Talia Rain

The difference between then and now. When the twins were babies, I spent entire forenoons doing fun photo shoots! Now? Talia is six weeks tomorrow. And today I did her first photo shoot. 🙂

But that’s okay! It means life is full and wonderful.

I had fun. She is darling. Her cap is darling. Her toes are darling…Enjoy!IMG_4846

This was when she was several weeks old. 

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It’s a Wonderful Life in Pictures

Twas the day before Christmas…no two days before…

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Bomani got to wrap Enzo’s gift, and the twins wrapped Bomani’s!

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Enzo was especially helpful…

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Christmas! We actually opened gifts on Saturday. 

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So much fun…

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Bikes for twins!

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Hmmm…

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Woo hoo! (The team? The one with the lowest price on Amazon.) 🙂

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He reminds me of myself. He has worn the football outfit every day since he got it. And he will look at me, hug his helmet, and say, “I really like this…”

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Gifts being my love language, this speaks to my heart. 🙂 <3

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And cute kids being my other love language…this speaks to my heart every day! 

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Enzo’s gift…a soft (ish) hockey stick and ball…the Anaheim Ducks!

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Go Ducks!

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He can be scary with hockey sticks. So we thought we’d get him one that would hopefully not kill anyone…

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Just love him. He still insists on being cuddled and held…even if it is exactly when Talia is being fed…

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And so you get creative. He likes to sit on my knees, facing us while I feed her. That way he can sort of “hold” Talia…and be held…

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He often says, “hold!” when he sees us…

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I’m just so grateful he is kind to her, for the most part. For a while, he would bop her on the butt. I sort of nipped that one in the bud. Not necessary. And he likes to squish her feet. Dear me. 

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But so far, he hasn’t toppled into her day crib…

Okay, got a little…side tracked talking about my little chubs. 

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Christmas day at church…the kids got to go up and sing Silent Night!

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My Christmas baby. I went back in time…five years…as I put this dress on her. The twins each wore one. <3

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Oh, the mini tree? I made it out of cardboard and two greenery garlands that I have used for the past 6-10 years. 🙂 

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The past week I sat and nursed my baby and watched all manner of Bible story skits. 🙂 Some of them I didn’t recognize… 😉

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It’s a wonderful life. So wonderful. 

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Love. She has such big, almond eyes. 

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And long, slender fingers.

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Miguel, our employee, dropped off a traditional Latino Christmas dinner for us!

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Speaking of food, here are some trim, healthy roasted vegetables!

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And a peanut butter shake for Trim Healthy Mom and Trim Healthy Dad.

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A big Aldi run later… !

Seriously. I want to make a meme of how I feel when I see someone come out of Aldi with a quart of milk and a bag of apples. (I did see this.) 

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He thought the family Aldi run was fun!

Last evening, Craig gave me a night out! I took Talia and went shopping. No sooner was I out the lane, than I realized that I had forgotten my diaper bag! (Including my Baby K’tan wrap.) Not in the mood to turn around, I told myself, I won’t need it. I rarely actually use things in my diaper bag when I take it with me! She doesn’t poop a lot these days… etc. 

We went to Burleson. Talia slept for hours while I browsed and shopped in some of my favorite stores. It was music to the soul! Then she woke up. Hungry. So I found the fitting room, which has nice, little cubicles, and nursed her. Now, Talia is a slow eater. She eats a bit, needs to burp. Closes her eyes, and tips her face upward with the most serene expression. Then eats again…and repeat. 🙂 And she likes to be held for a while afterward, upright. Now came the time when I began to wish for my Baby K’tan! It was a bit challenging to shop while holding a darling doll baby in one arm. 

Then she peed. Through her sleeper, and onto her mom. 

After that she had a massive blowout. 

(Are you laughing?) 

Mom has learned her lesson. Take diaper bag. Turn around, drive back through the lane, and get your diaper bag!!!

P.S. We still had such a fun night out!

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Dear friends, it’s a wonderful life. 

🙂 

Peace. 

 

It’s a Wonderful Life

Both babies are are sleeping. The big three are currently eating a snack of cold cereal (from Aldi) and milk. There are a few ways I am streamlining life to make things work well right now, and one of them was to create a “Snack Bar” in the laundry room. 🙂 This is a row of snacks the kids can get for themselves. There are also snacks in the fridge. Fruit. And if they are lucky, cut up veggies. But mostly, they love the laundry Snack Bar. Why? Because it consists of mostly carbs like cold cereal, bagels, chips, etc. 🙂 (This is where my faithful readership swoons and falls onto the floor in a faint.) Oh yes, peanuts. The peanuts save my crunchy reputation, huh? 

Honestly, I don’t like feeding my kids this stuff. But ya know, they do need to eat something. And right now I can’t create the kinds of food they really need. And I can’t be getting a snack around for them at all hours of the day. So we thank God for Aldi and that He gave us livers! 🙂

It’s a wonderful life.

The other evening, Craig and I watched a Christmas movie. It was a sort of twist on It’s a Wonderful Life, where a career lady, sort of married to her work, saw what her life could be like if she would marry and have kids. I know this is unfair. A lot of us would like to marry and have kids! We aren’t married to our work. 

But then there are those of us who have a row of little kids. And every day we cook and clean up and wipe noses and butts. And wonder where our life is? 

This all sounds so cliche. But I don’t care. It’s so easy to not love the life we are living. So easy. Because loving our life, or you could call it joy and contentment, brings us to the heart of the Father. It brings us peace. It blesses those around us. And so there is opposition to this. This loving of our life’s work. Our daily grind. Our crazy mess. That thing called My Life.

Last week I was given the gift of Loving My Life. I nursed my baby doll. I smelled her soft head. I watched my chunky Enzo play. I laughed and cried at the big three as they acted out parts of the Christmas story. (And other Bible stories I have never heard of…) I sat in my rocking chair, and considered how deeply I love my life. How blessed I am. 

There were the crazy moments. Like when Enzo decided to walk out the lane after Craig left. (He adores his dad.) And I was in the middle of nursing my baby. Or the morning both babies woke at the same time. And both were hungry. And I was hungry. And the big baby has his…uh…traditions. And one of them is for mom (or dad) to hold him on the couch after he gets up. Cuddle him for a while. And so he walks over, pats the couch, and…what can a mom do? 

But really, I was delighted with the fact that this is going to work! It’s not impossible! I know…I know that women have had a row of little kids, from time immemorial. And a row longer than mine. But this is me. 21st century. And I decided not to freak out about it. But I did wonder how it would go. 🙂

Honestly, I don’t know if I had a single quiet time with reading the Bible, all week long. I’m not super spiritual. I’m not amazing. But last week, I had peace and joy and contentment.

And then the weekend came. And it was Christmas. And somehow, I started stressing out about things. And I’m not going to tell you what things, but the peace left. I ate a lot of chocolate. I cried. (Okay, it may have been post partum hormones too, who knows?) And Christmas day I was a terror. Like, not a nice person. And then because it was Christmas, I cried because I wasn’t okay. And it was Christmas. 

All the women reading this understand. 🙂 Ha ha! Some days are just like that. Finally in the evening I stopped holing up inside and talked with Craig. And because he is amazing and wise, he told me things I needed to hear that put truth back into my heart. And I was okay. And we had a nice evening. 

And now I look at this week. And I do want to spend time with Father God. Even though it seems like every time I sit down, I should nurse my baby and keep the house running in the meantime, or I should teach the kids their Teaching Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons lesson for the day. Or I should get caught up on facebook. (Insert laugh and cry here.)

I am trying to learn to have peace in my soul when my house is in a crazy mess. Yesterday I looked at it and said, Father, please help me to be at peace and joy even when it looks like this… And He did. I just can’t do it all. And really, should I make the kids clean up the house three times a day? That seems excessive… 🙂

Just rambling here. So I’m going to stop. I’m struggling to figure out the best way to post pictures on my blog! I have a new phone Craig got me for Christmas, with a good camera! Yeah! So now my pictures automatically slide into Google Drive. And I am determined to find a simple way to put them from there to my blog. But so far, haven’t. So I may need to give up, fire up the old laptop which we both hate, and download the pictures then upload them…

Okay. Lata!

 

The Welcome of Talia in Pictures

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Craig was with me every step of the labor and delivery. He is amazing.

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Herbal bath. <3

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The incredible birth team!

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Talia Rain. 7 lbs. 7 oz. At 38 weeks! 

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How long I had dreamed of this…

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My amazing chiropractor.

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Sister love.

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If Daisy sees me with Talia, she might say, “Mom, just a little hold?” 🙂

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Brother love. 🙂

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Enzo wants to touch her head every time he sees her! He is generally very gentle…for which we are all grateful. He does have this thing where he likes to squeeze her foot and she jumps!

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My spark of light. (Meaning of the name “Shaviv”.)

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Meeting Grandpa and Grandma!

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And so the days ease by. I love this time…just drinking in the joy and love that is my new baby girl. Rest. Processing. Prayer.

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Peace.

The Birth Story of Talia Rain

It’s 11:29 pm.

I can’t sleep…even though I’ve mostly been awake since 5:00 this morning.

Why?

Baby is on her way!

I decided, this time, to write the birth story as it happens…

So this morning after a night of tossing and turning, I realized, around 6:00, that I was having regular tightening of my abdomen. This was different than the braxton hicks I’d been having every afternoon and evening for about a week now. I timed them. About every 10-15 minutes apart. Okay!

And thus the day unfolded. All day long, these “contractions” have been coming. Sometimes going away, only to come back again. Some of them were hard enough I needed to breathe through them. Not because of pain, but because of the extreme pressure and tightening. 

I had a prenatal appointment scheduled for this forenoon, as well as a chiropractic adjustment. This was very cool!

My chiropractor, who is very talented in finding baby’s exact positioning, told me that yes, she has dropped, but is not fully engaged. And my midwives found me to be 50% effaced and one centimeter dilated. Of course, that means it could be hours, days, or weeks yet!

I went home, feeling like this was the real thing, but really…not knowing. This entire experience, so far, has been so different from anything I have ever walked! I went through the rest of the day, contractions coming, but not stopping me from life. Craig and I finished getting the nursery ready. He went to town for some items. My friend, Amber came over for a while. I took a hot bath. 

By evening, I was feeling depressed about the slowness of it all. I am used to water breaking, and fast and furious labors! But after some time of prayer, I realized that this is so right. So good. And I knew in my heart, that God has this. He knows exactly how fast or how slow is right for baby, and right for me. 

And so I rest tonight…with occasional contractions, but mostly…rest. 

I’m walking into this with delight. Joy. With my Father.

Good night…

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And that was “the beginning”. This was a new and lovely thing for me…to have my body slowly begin to prepare for baby’s arrival. As the week progressed, I had lots of braxton hicks contractions, and possibly more “real” ones as well. You would think that with this being pregnancy number four, I would know what contractions are. But I have always had back labor, so I am not well versed in non-back labor contractions. 

There were definitely times through the week that I became discouraged. I knew I was only at 37 weeks, but when was baby coming! 

Tuesday came again. I found myself at the birth center again for my appointment. This time, she was fully engaged, and I was 75% effaced, with a couple more centimeters dilated! It was so cool to know that my body had kept on preparing slowly and carefully…for baby’s arrival. 

Wednesday was Homeschool Co-op day. As I prepared and tried to get the kids ready that morning, I just said, why am I even trying to do this?! I was so uncomfortable…but I had to. My kids count the days! And so we went. And it was actually a really good day. 🙂

Thursday morning I got up, inspired to do some cooking. I piled meat into the sink to thaw, and started my day. Wow. I was so tired! And Enzo had been up early, and was a total bear. So finally I stuck him back in bed, and decided to take a nap myself while he sleeps. I remember saying to myself, before I crawled into bed…I just really want to have this baby today. I was at 38 weeks. 

I crawled into bed. Water. Water! I made a mad dash for the bathroom…the realization dawning on me that…I am having this baby today! My water broke!

Seriously, it’s cool to have my water break early. Maybe it gives you a harder labor, maybe not. But either way, I knew that this time, my water was breaking at the right time. And besides that, it was nice to know the countdown was on! This was real!

I called Craig, who was in Fort Worth. Texted my midwives. I let my mother-in-law know, as they were going to come after baby was born. I messaged my prayer warriors from my Bible Study group. I cleaned up the house…surges of excited energy giving me new strength. I lit the candles. Plugged in all the Christmas lights. Put on some music. Took a shower.

Contractions were not regular, and not difficult. I delighted in the contractions…knowing they were bringing me closer to baby girl’s birth! Craig came home. I ate lunch…

And so the day progressed.  This home birth thing…amazing. I loved not needing to go anywhere. I loved having my house just how I wanted it. Peaceful. Soft light. Music. Prayer. At home. It was so good…

Sometime mid-afternoon, contractions began to speed up in intensity, regularity, and pain. My two primary midwives arrived. We chatted and laughed and had fun. Between contractions. 🙂 

This entire experience…from start to finish, was very similar to Enzo’s birth experience. Even time of day. Water breaking in the morning. Labor speeding up mid-afternoon. Intense back labor. Born in the evening. There the similarities end.

My life is so different in so many ways…there is no comparison to the two experiences. Fear and anxiety had no place here this time. Early on, I told fear to get out. Off our property. Out of my house. No place. And because of that, the labor was so different. I walked straight into the contractions, experiencing them, in my mind, watching my uterus pushing baby down, doing it’s work. Between contractions, I prayed. I talked with the others. I…smiled. In fact, I wondered a bit if I was actually getting anywhere, because I was able to have such peace and coherence between contractions!

As evening drew on, the back labor intensified. Things became a lot more difficult to handle. And honestly, toward the end, I was losing it. Those of you who have back labor know exactly what I mean. I can nearly cut off my finger, and the pain doesn’t touch the pain of the last of the back labor. Amen. It’s off the charts. I yelled so hard that my throat was sore the next day. 🙂 

But what I hold incredibly close in my heart…is the memory of Father’s presence. Between those last contractions, where I was losing it, I would pray with all my soul…and feel the heart of Father there. I had peace. Rest. No pain. It felt like a significant amount of time, I could rest. 

By this time, I was starting to hold back. I was remembering the pain of pushing Enzo out, and my body just held back. I could breathe through those contractions, and my midwife saw what was happening. She came in front of me, and very firmly spoke to me. I could do this. I don’t really even remember what she said, just that it gave me what I needed. And with the grit in my soul, I pushed out her head with the next contraction. Well, I honestly don’t know how many contractions I used to push out her head. I pushed her head out very slowly. It was not even in my own power. I believe it was in God’s. And my body knew…go slowly. The midwives were so excited and I am now reaping the benefits of the slow push out! 🙂 I was going to deliver her, and had my hand on her head as I pushed it out. But I was on my hands and knees and needed to handle the next contraction, so I told Craig to go ahead and catch her. But she wouldn’t come! Her shoulders were stuck! Rosetta knew what to do, and helped her out. Ahhh. That feeling. That empty feeling…she is out!!

This is the moment I almost don’t want to write about. It’s so holy. So deep in my soul. Baby number five. And the first time I ever experienced the complete calm, the incredible moment of pain being erased, and all that mattered…the creamy, warm, living baby in my arms. She was covered in vernix, and was so alive. So sweet. So perfect. I look at pictures, and I am coherent. Chatting. Laughing. Looking into my husband’s eyes. 

These are the gifts God gave me. I hold them so very close to my heart. 

This was not the birth experience I was believing for. I’m just being honest with you. I have questions. Did I have faith? I did! Why the back labor again? I don’t know. But in it all, I found Father God and His heart. I still believe things can be even better…as I grow and change. But for now, this is what I walked. And I am at peace with it. 

I know that many of us believe that with all the Scriptures that speak of pain in childbirth, that it is inevitable. I’m not here to argue, change anyone’s mind, or even answer questions. 🙂 I’m just here…sharing my journey. Being honest. And continuing to believe for more and more freedom, physical healing, and spiritual places I have never gone with my Father. 

And grateful. So grateful for the gifts He gave me in this birth of Talia Rain.

Peace to you.

<3

Baby

Talia Rain
“Dew from God”

December 1, 2016
6:34 pm.

7 lbs. 7 oz.

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So blessed. So grateful. 

In Which She Nearly Has a Baby and Continues Nesting

How’s that for a catchy post title?

🙂

I probably did not actually nearly have a baby. But I had contractions all day Tuesday, and did some quick preparations. During the night, the contractions stopped and have been mostly gone since then, with occasional extreme tightening here and there. I’m cool with this! God and baby know when the time is right. And any and all contractions, whether braxton hicks or real, are working toward the goal! The contractions were not painful, I would just call it extreme pressure and discomfort. They were, however, coming regularly, which makes me think they were more in the “real” category. 

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I decided that this time around, I will write my birth story as it happens. 🙂 (Laugh here.) So I recorded my feelings and day on Tuesday. That’s about all I have down for now! Wait with baited breath…

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Since Tuesday, I have been working on baby things like a slightly wild woman. 🙂 I ran to Walmart and found the perfect fabric for a curtain for my nursery! Then I sewed it that day. My fabric from fabric.com arrived as well, and I am so in love with it! It was mostly minky fabrics, and I made a change table pad, a blanket, and burp cloths with those. By Thanksgiving evening, I was finished, and very happy! I don’t really enjoy sewing, but love making my own things, and getting the result I want. So now I keep walking into our room, allowing the peace and serenity to soak into my soul, and look at my baby items. 🙂

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Left over flannel from Enzo’s nursery.

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I looove minky!

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I searched for a while for the perfect, inexpensive bedspread for our room/nursery. I love this one! It fit’s like a dream.

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Today I am working (between laundry and kids…) on recipes. I now have a stack of recipes printed out for Mom to use when she comes! It was good to look through my recipes again, and I feel like making some of them now! But I do need to pace myself slightly… 🙂

Speaking of recipes, I put some new ones onto this blog. I wince when I think of how badly I have done at adding recipes on here! It will improve someday. Just…not priority this year. 

Baby has dropped. The amazing thing is, unless I am having a contraction, I am much more comfortable! I am guessing that it took pressure off my back. I also don’t look as enormous as I did before she dropped. Funny how all that works. 🙂

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So stay tuned. 😉 I hit 37 weeks on Wednesday. The fact that Enzo was born soon after that milestone makes me dance in anticipation! But truth is, who knows? Only God! I could go a couple more weeks. I am measuring ahead. So we’ll see… 🙂

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Peace on your weekend. 

<3

The “N” Word.

So yeah.

Just me, over here, nesting like a crazy woman!

Even Craig was nesting on Saturday, painting the two, gold walls in our room to a lovely white. 🙂 🙂

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Okay, he wasn’t nesting. He just loves me. A lot.

And the coolest story with that dresser/change table! It’s exactly like the one we got before Enzo was born. It’s my dream dresser/change table. The other one we paid heavily for. But we love it. Classy. Attractive. Streamlined. Easy to clean. Lots of space. Good drawer movement. With Baby Girl on the way, I started looking online. I found several on craigslist…for a price. Then! On the buy/sell/swap page of facebook, I found one for $50 (instead of $200!) because of the broken drawer fronts! Yeah!!!! God giving me a gift. 

We are turning our bedroom into a nursery, and it’s so fun! A temporary nursery, so we’re not going too crazy with it. But so fun.

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I’m going with lavender, as the girls’ room in our new house will be lavender. I found all these frames at Recycling Time (local) for $5! The paint cost another $5, and I am having so much fun with it! 

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I think baby is coming soon. But we’ll just wait and see! I’m at 37 weeks on Wednesday. Give me a couple more days to sew a bit and finish details for the room and baby things, and we’ll be ready!!

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I can’t wait. So excited!

I’ve also been working on Christmas decor. I know it won’t be in my mind after Baby Girl makes her appearance. So that has been fun too!

Saturday was my Bible Study day. I have been having so many braxton hicks contractions every day…I really wondered about even going. But Craig said he will go too and we’ll take all the kids…so we did. Lo, the ladies surprised me with a baby shower! It blessed me beyond words. 🙂 They are such lovely friends…and amazing mentors. 

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The diaper cake. Magnificent. Made by my friend Jennifer. So much love in every detail!

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And just a few snippets yet from the Bible Study…

Yvonne talked about Jehosaphat. And the battle that was completely fought by the Lord. Wherein they simply needed to do three things…

Take their place.

Stand.

Praise.

They did not need to fight. They simply needed to take their position. And Stand. 

And they were praising before anything even happened. They sent their praise team out first! Before the fighters!

And the army turned on each other. 

This happened in The Valley of Blessing.

Not every time is it a mountain where we are blessed. 

This was a valley. 

And it took three days to pick up all the blessings (spoil) from that place.

Wow.

Amen!

Peace be on your week. 

<3

One.

I think that John 17 is one of the most beautiful passages in Scripture. It flows with gentle love. Truth. The aching heart of our Saviour, about to die. And, to me, it opens a little trap-door into the heart of Jesus and the Father. Before my eyes, my heart, is a snippet of Jesus’ heart for us. So clear. No questions. There it is. Love.

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I pray for them…Father, protect them by Your Name…

So that they may be One, as we are One.

I pray not only for these, but for all those who will believe on me through their message.

(That always pours into my heart with delight and longing. Jesus prayed for me–there!!)

And then, He comes back to what was on His heart that night…

May they all be One, as You, Father, are in Me, and I am in You. 

May they also be One in Us. 

So the world may believe You sent Me.

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This past week, as I watched events unfold in our world of today, I felt the shock waves. Not so much about who won the election. But I felt a sense of shock as I watched amazing, lovely people unwind in disbelief, anger, jubilation, joy, fear, screaming, and division. There is no middle ground. I get that. But I didn’t know that the election would bring us to this. Us being the followers of Jesus. 

And as the week progressed, I felt this cry of Jesus’ echoing in my heart.

May they all be One, as You, Father, are in Me, and I am in You.

May they be One in Us…

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Then we went to church this morning. And Mr. Michael preached…on unity. Unity in the whole Body of Christ. Not just talking about unity in our local, little part of the Body. But the entire Body of Christ. 

May they ALL be One…

It exploded into my soul. All. Jesus prayed that we would ALL be One. 

And this blog post, my friend…began to burn in my heart. 

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And of all the posts I have ever written, none is so much about a weakness and sin of my own, than this one. 

Back when we were Mennonite, I had no idea how much I was walking blatantly against this heart cry of Jesus. How much I was buried in my own world. And how much I rejected others. 

And now, being out of that world, I am realizing that I turn around, and do the same thing, out of completely different motives and fears…in rejecting the Mennonite world. Exact turn around. Both wrong. 

That was maybe more honest than you really wanted me to be. But I see this. And God is changing it. He is working His Oneness in my heart.

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How deeply I am blessed, and how much I love to worship, learn, and fellowship with my Bible Study group, Vinelife Ministries. 

How grateful I am for The Nondenominational Texas House of Prayer, and the small group of believers there whom we worship with every Sunday, and learn from and are so incredibly blessed by them. 

And how much I am blessed by my Mennonite friends and relatives. And how much I love them. And see God in them. 

May they ALL be One…

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Today Michael spoke of how…when we believers come closer and closer to the heart of the Father, we come together. We are unified. We are One.

…as You, Father, are in Me, and I am in You.

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I believe that a lot of the reason believers are divided is simple. 

Fear. 

Fear that our kids will adopt “wrong teachings”. Fear that we will lose people out of our denomination. Fear that we might…change?

And fear is never from God.

Ever.

Nothing can separate us from the love of God.

Not politics.

Not a president. 

Not life, or death.

He has us. We do not need to fear. 

Anything.

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My dream is to see the day when believers of every stripe and every type…

come together in unity and power.

Because that is what Jesus prayed.

Of all the things He could have prayed for us.

He cried out to His Father…

That they would ALL be One.

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Peace.

 

Of the Heart and Baby Girl

Preparation for Baby Girl is in full swing.

🙂

We took our house off the market until January, for financial reasons. I was quite relieved and happy! One week of showings…with ten showings in all…it was about enough to put this pregnant mother under! But hey, it was our choice. No one else’s. 🙂 

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After that…I seemed to settle into Baby Mode.

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I knew, since the day I found out that I was pregnant, that I had heart work to do. And I was fine with that! This has been a year of heart work, and God has been so gracious and gentle and wise and amazing. The resulting peace is that I am more at rest this pregnancy/birth than I have ever been before. And that is while nearly every part of our life is in transition of some sort. But God is good that way. 

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See, I have had fairly traumatic birth experiences. My first baby’s birth was easily the hardest. He was born with pitocin, in a strange country, and pulled out with vacuum suction after extreme back labor. After being over-the-top excited about having a baby of my own, I was instead traumatized, torn asunder, and more overweight than I ever dreamed possible for this skinny, little lady. It wasn’t at all what I dreamed of. 

I have had, in the past, this inexplicable ability to optimism. I’m talking about optimism that is way past realism. I happily looked forward to my next baby, which turned out to be babies, believing that it would be fine. It was, honestly, better in many ways. But I wound up with a c-section for one of the twins, because she was breech, and the doctor on call that night did not deliver second twin breech. They came just a few days before my midwife could deliver them. I had back labor with them again. But they came fast. The recovery was a bit rough, especially with three babies in my arms. 

With Enzo’s birth, I had learned so much about natural birth and my options. I had an amazing set of midwives at a lovely birth center down here in Texas. I was determined to birth naturally, with no medication. I also wanted to deliver him myself. In the water. I got what I fought for, but I still had extreme back labor, and he came out with a purple, compressed head, which showed that something wasn’t…aligned properly. It was really cool. But honestly, I was so traumatized from the pain that I had little to no euphoria. I just wanted to scream at anyone who hurt me in any way in the next hours. I bonded really well with Enzo, but it came later.

With this baby, however, things are different. The eternal optimism of my past has (in a general way in my life) been replaced with a growing faith and trust in my Father, and His good, good heart. I don’t just blindly believe this will be a good birth.

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I have heard from my Father, that it will be. 

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I wasn’t actually going to share that with you. Until after the fact. That has kind of been my style. After the evidence is in, I tell you about the twins being healed of absence seizures. Once my glucose levels came down, then I shared that miracle with you. I want to share the amazing things God is doing…to show the world His glory. But you know…in a safe way. 🙂

But God has been working in these pockets of my soul. And I’m going to refuse to hide in fear. Or doubt. Or safe quietness.

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I believe that Baby Girl’s birth is going to be amazing.

She has a call on her life. 

I am given the high honor of being her mother. 

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I believe that for me, fear had a lot to do with the level of pain I have had in my labors. But I also have a pelvis shaped for posterior positions for babies. I have had four fingers of diastasis, (abdominal muscle separation) (since my twin pregnancy), which has made for very difficult last trimesters with back pain, as those are the abdominal muscles responsible to support the back. With Enzo’s pregnancy, I had the addition of it being a vbac, and hearing all about thick scar tissue wasn’t key. 

But I am learning to take seriously what Jesus said in Mark 16. He said that those who believe, will then lay hands on the sick, and they will be healed. That’s us. Baby was posterior one week, at my chiropractor visit. (My chiropractor is amazing! She is highly trained in helping with pregnancy and babies.) That weekend, my friend and mentor placed her hands on my stomach and (without knowing that she was posterior), commanded her to be aligned. The next week, she was in a lovely position at my chiro visit. She does a lot of moving around. 🙂 Despite what it feels like, she has space in there. But I am no longer afraid of a posterior labor. I am learning that we have authority, given to us by Jesus Himself, to speak healing. Health. 

And maybe the biggest thing I am learning, through much failing and getting back up, is simply that much is done, according to my faith. That was such a recurring theme in the New Testament. When Jesus saw the faith of people who did not even deserve to be healed, He healed them. 

There is a lot of “bad stuff” surrounding “this healing thing”. The devil always works hard to mess up truth, and God’s works. He puts out counterfeits. He puts out a lot of fear. He throws lies around. 

My journey is to set all that aside. And simply read His Word, listen to His heart, and walk what He has for me to walk. 

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This birth? It’s a huge part of that. 

I will walk forward in faith and excitement. 

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I have no fear for this birth. 

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I will walk into it with my Father. Into everything He has for me and for us in this time. 

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So there is the present snippet of this journey. Sharing it for those of you who are reaching. 

We can do this! 

Because of Him.