I think I’ll be able to write about this now.
We’ll see how it goes.
So, I’ve been reading in Exodus. The other day I read how God said that the cry of the people who were oppressed was coming up to Him. And He heard them. As I keep reading, I am getting a picture of God, over all. He sees everything. He cares. He loves.
I just see His Presence and arms stretched out wide, covering the entire world…the entire…everything that exists.
Monday evening Craig was working late closing on a deal. I took the kids on a walk down the lane. They were all excited to go, and ran most of the way down our long lane. It was warm outside, but they kind of kept encouraging each other on…some competition, you know.
At the end of the lane, Hazel quit coming. I looked back. Her eyes were fixed. I went and tried to talk to her. No response.
I picked her up, talking to her. Still no response. I told the other two to head toward the house, and in my pregnant state, I carried Hazel up the lane as fast as I could, becoming more alarmed as we went.
She started seizing, and I kept going, crying to God and crying to God as I went. When I reached the house, I found my phone and called 911. As the responder talked with me, I kept her updated on what was happening. Hazel’s whole body was twitching, then she was writhing around, in distress, her eyes upward. I could hardly come up with our address.
Then I realized that it’s hard to find our lane with an address, so I hauled Hazel outside. The responder insisted I stay on the line with her, and when the emergency vehicle drove past our lane, I headed down the lane with Hazel in one arm and my phone to my ear with the other hand. I met them halfway.
By that time, Hazel was relaxing, sucking her thumb. She sat up, and I felt relief begin in the edges of my heart. She still didn’t respond to anything I said or asked her, but she was no longer seizing. They told me it’s most likely a febrile seizure, but that we should take her to Cooks Hospital in Ft. Worth. I signed off, and they left. I hauled her back up to the house, waiting for Craig to come home.
My friend and neighbor Amanda came over and then took Bomani and Daisy to her house. Craig and I started for Ft. Worth, but decided, after talking with a Pediatrician in Cleburne, to wait until morning and bring her to his office. She was acting normal by then, laughing and being funny. Although she seemed quite tired.
When we got back to Amanda’s house and I went inside, the first thing Daisy asked was, “Where’s Hazel?”
They would have no idea how to do life without each other.
Hazel is fine. The doctor found nothing wrong. We may still check with a neurologist…
Every health professional kept grilling me…did she have a fever that day? Was she at all sick? I just could not pull anything up. I had noticed nothing. I did think of it later that she didn’t eat quite as much as usual before our walk. And she slept longer than the others at nap time. But what is that?
And then Monday night I was sick. I thought maybe it was from the extreme emotional and physical exertion, but I was sick. And then Tuesday afternoon Bomani was sick. Light fever. Not feeling well. But it was mild and didn’t last long.
My heart is telling me that Hazel may have been mildly ill with whatever little virus we have, but she didn’t act sick. And the long run down the lane in the heat was too much.
But I don’t know. We pray for wisdom to do the right thing.
Yesterday my muscles were sore. Today they are almost more sore. But at the moment, your adrenaline gives you everything you need…
God gives you everything you need.
I know that many mothers have experienced this. It is extremely traumatic, especially with no fever beforehand and having never witnessed it before in a very young child. You have my deepest sympathy.
I am still fairly…weak inside. I can hardly look back over the evening. It was terrifying. I’m from Africa. My thoughts were, cerebral malaria? Meningitis? What IS this? If the 911 responder would only have told me it was a simple seizure and that many kids have them, I could have at least…been more okay. My brain, though, was not working. I could have known it was a seizure, had I been more rational. But seriously, it was new to me. And it was my Hazel. And at one point, I honestly wondered if she was going to die in my arms.
That night I just wanted to cuddle her and cuddle her before they went to sleep. Craig and I were in the kids’ room…finally Hazel, tired, told me, “Mom, get out of my bed!” I was so happy to have my feisty Hazel back…
Determined to head off fear from the start, I prayed. I refused it. It still wants to creep in at times. But it does no one any good.
And God really is over all. And He really sees. And He is Love.
Thank You, Jesus, for Hazel.